EQ - Top 10 Suggestions

Top Ten Suggestions

First seek to understand, then to be understood.

1. Label your feelings, rather than labeling people or situations.	"I feel impatient." vs "This is ridiculous." "I feel hurt and bitter". vs. "You are an insensitive jerk." "I feel afraid." vs. "You are driving like a idiot."
2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings.	Thoughts: I feel like...& I feel as if.... & I feel that Feelings: I feel: (feeling word)
3. Take more responsibility for your feelings.	"I feel jealous." vs. "You are making me jealous."
4. Use your feelings to help them make decisions.	"How will I feel if I do this?" "How will I feel if I don't"
5. Show respect for other people's feelings.	Ask "How will you feel if I do this?" "How will you feel if I don't."
6. Feel energized, not angry.	Use what others call "anger" to help feel energized to take productive action.
7. Validate other people's feelings.	Show empathy, understanding, and acceptance of other people's feelings.
8. Practice getting a positive value from their your emotions.	Ask yourself: "How do I feel?" and "What would help me feel better?" Ask others "How do you feel?" and "What would help you feel better?"
9. Don't advise, command, control, criticize, judge or lecture to others.	Instead, try to just listen with empathy and non-judgmentally.
10. Avoid people who invalidate you.	While this is not always possible, at least try to spend less time with them, or give them psychological power over you.